To be honest, 2013 was a hard year. My depression returned with a vengeance which is to be expected. This year was the one where I lost my support when my Dad passed away. The desire to find a job became a need, a nagging pain I could not ignore. I lost not one but two girlfriends over the course of 2013 and both losses hurt me very deeply, leaving me sitting in my wheelchair crying to myself in an empty bungalow. I ended up in hospital for the first time in three years after two falls in a matter of moments. My weight increased again - the never-ending diet yo-yoing between extreme denial and Bacchanalian feast.
What a depressing paragraph! I hope you've made it this far...
The problem with navel-gazing is you fall into the downward spiral of self-pity and an overwhelming feeling of pre-destined doom. That's nor what I'm about. 2013 has had highlights for me too.
Let's look at those wins.
I didn't lose two girlfriends. I walked away from both of those relationships. While both women were lovely and great to be around, the relationship itself became poisonous and hurtful. By walking away I was looking after myself. By not merely accepting blindly I was able to move forward to find the woman who is going to treat me properly. To paraphrase Michael Buble I haven't met her yet but time will prove it holds all thing...
That unignorable pain, that nagging need? I've put that to rest too. I have found a job and by the feedback I have received I am doing very well at it. The probationary period is still running but I should pass it with flying colours. More than that - I love it!
All of my life I have worked, I even lied about my age to get my first job (a paper round). While I feel no shame at having fallen into the position I was in, it irks me that I didn't a job sooner but if I had found one sooner, would I have loved it as much?
My hospital stay? It was an over-nighter and alcohol was involved. So, schoolboy error - move on!
Let's deal with my Dad's passing. There can be no positives in that... right? There have been several important lessons I have learned in the intervening months. The pain is still very raw and tears come unbidden and without warning from time to time but the overriding emotion is one of joy. I am genuinely happy that he was my Dad. Even with all his flaws he was everything to me. It was a privilege to be his son.
Without my Dad's help and support I have learned how to stand on my own two feet (horrible pun, I know). Like he used to say 'Be an example or a horrible warning.' He was both simultaneously.
So was 2013 all bad? Undeniably there were horrible lows but if you average it all out - it at least broke even.
So here's to 2014 and all you have to bring me - good and bad.